Sometimes You Just Have to Start Over

    Honestly, my dear readers, I was planning on blogging about a week ago but... Sometimes life throws you something that just knocks the wind out of your sails and floods your hopes with despair. I was going to make some cheesy connection to how music is like soul food and blah blah blah. Not really sure what I was thinking >.< All I really remember is that one moment I was in the middle of typing up my blog, and the next I was getting a phone call from my real father.

    Now, this is a man who stopped coming to see me every other weekend (per custody arrangements) when I was 2 and yet stayed in the lives of my three other half siblings, one of which isn't really his son; he's adopted. I've always grown up wondering, why not me too? Why are you not in my life? What did I do to make you not want me?Naturally, I know now that it wasn't ever my fault and that it was something, I still don't know what, to do with him and my mother.

    So... This call from him... He would like to get the chance to know me and he's sorry for not being there for me... (His words). Truthfully, I want to meet him and let him tell me his side of the story but... I'm not entirely sure I can handle that right now. I could barely speak to him over the phone without getting emotional so who know what my reaction to him will be in public.

    Like the title says, sometimes you just have to start over. Like when you're composing a new piece or writing a new song (yes I'm making my cheesy music connection now :p) you just have to take all the bad notes, crumple them up into a little ball, and chuck them in the bin where they belong. Problem with this though is that eventually you run out of clean paper to start over with and you're still going to remember what you had already written, no matter how hard you try to force it from your mind. Guess what I'm trying to say is that even though it is good to start over, you should always keep in mind the things you've "chucked out" and learn from them... Otherwise you're bound to repeat your mistake.

What do you guys think I should do? Cause I'm kind of stumped.

I'll leave you tonight with a song very close to my heart. It's called Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carisle. I used to sing it to my Pappy when I was little because, until my AMAZING step dad came into my life, he was my daddy figure. Hope you like it as much as I do (:

Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carisle

Music is Laughter

    I'm not sure how it is for you, but where I live, it gets cold. Like... Stupid cold. So it's nights like this where normal people bundle up inside with a good book by the fire. But not me and my crazy friends, oh no. Instead, we head out to my old high school's first playoff game of the season. I mostly go to support my old marching band and my friends who are still in it, but I will admit I'm a fan of football (: The best part though, is getting so see old friends and enjoying lots of laughs with them. There is a certain musical quality that comes from a group of people all laughing together. Each "ha" its own note, and every voice another "instrument" of sorts. Beautiful really. Because laughter is the embodiment of joy and happiness, and it can be found everywhere. Like music, laughter is universal, and does not require translation in order to be understood. The next time you laugh, think about that. A person from across the globe would be able to understand your emotions just from the sound of your laugh. They might not know WHY you are laughing, but they will understand that for whatever reason, you are happy. Music and happiness... They are the meanings of life if you ask me. Find a friend, create some music, and be happy.

Tonight I will leave you with the Swan Lake Suite composed by Tchaikovsky. Why? Because the opening oboe solo is my favorite and it brings happiness to my heart ♥

Swan Lake Suite

Here's to you, and the hopes you are able to find happiness in the little things (:

Prelude on a Symphony... Er... Blog

    Ah blogging. It seems everyone is doing it now-a-days so why not join the bandwagon? Like most blogs out there on the interwebs, this one more likely than not will not receive much attention, but that is okay. Writing has always been, for myself, a means to empty the mind of unwanted clutter and a way to sift through jumbled thoughts. Call writing my own muggle pensieve if you will.
    Who am I you ask? Why yes, I believe an introduction is in order. For those of you stumbling upon this humble blog by chance I am Chelsea Rose (last names are not important). You may refer to me in whatever form you wish, be it by both my first and middle name, some shorthand of my first, or just by my middle, I do not care. As I type this entry I am a little more than 18 & 1/2 years old. I have had a love for music all of my life, but I began playing my principal instrument, oboe, the summer before I started 6th grade (that's summer of 2005 if you must know a year). This means that as of now I have been playing the oboe for more than 7 years. Along with oboe, I play English horn and trumpet although, sadly, I do not own a trumpet or English horn of my own. 
    Because music has been such an (beware of upcoming pun) instrumental part of my life, it seems fitting for it to be the "theme" of this here blog. There will be other things discussed and ranted about, but for the most part I will try my best to stick to music and how it affects my life and the lives of those around me. 
   So what is there to be said about music at almost 1 AM on a chilly October 17th? Right now it's the lack of music. Normally when I'm up this late, which is often, I have this wonderful thing called Spotify playing in the background. But tonight I don't. This doesn't mean there is no music to be found; there's always music. Even silence is an important part of the score. But when was the last time you truly heard silence? Nothing at all. Not the whisper of the wind, the creak of your house, the beat of your heart, the sound of your own breathing? For example, at this very moment I can hear the following:

• The whir of my fan overhead
• The much softer whir of the internal fan on my laptop
• The clicking of the keys as I type this very statement
• That unique sound of cars passing by in the almost unhearable distance

Not to mention the two songs battling it out inside my head, one being Rascal Flatts' "Here Comes Goodbye" and the "Doo Wee Ooo" noise of the Doctor Who theme. It's no wonder I am awake, yet again, at 1 AM. How is a brain supposed to relax enough to rest with all of this aural stimulation? Naturally one could argue that I could turn both my laptop and fan off and thus eliminate 3 of the noise "problems" but then I wouldn't be able to write this! So how does a person allow these things to melt into the background? Well... You don't. I have longed since learned that the best way to relax when sound is the stimulate is to let all of the sounds wash over you at once. By listening to everything together you can hear past it all and into the true blissful quiet.

   Ahhhh.... Peace♥