You Make Me Smile (:

    I hate nights like this. I think I can actually feel my heart breaking a little bit. Death is unavoidable and a part of life, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when someone we care about leaves us.

    I have never met this woman, but I have seen the impact she has made on the life of someone who is very close to my heart. My high school German teacher, who shall merely be known as "Frau", has been an enormous role model to me these last (almost) four years. It is so sad to think that another person so important to her has passed, and I can't even begin to imagine how she must be feeling right now. What I do know is she needs all the love and support she can get ♥

Frau,

You have been such an inspiration to me. I am so thankful that I decided to keep up with German for at least one more year. If I hadn't, I would have never had the enormous pleasure to have you as my teacher, role model, and friend. I cannot count the number of times I had was having a horrible day until I stepped into your classroom. I can honestly say German with you is the one class I miss the most.

Every day you go way above and beyond your duties as a teacher for your students and never ask for anything but effort in return. I will never be able to adequately repay you for all you have taught me, both German and life related. I hope you know I am only ever a call, email, or even Facebook message away if you ever would like someone to vent and talk to. You have been one of the greatest gifts in people form that I could have ever asked for. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me.

Vielen Dank. Ich liebe Sie ♥

Chels

One of the wisest things The Doctor has ever said ♥

One of my favorite songs that always makes me smile. I hope it brings a smile to your face as well (:

Smile by Uncle Kracker (:

For the Love of Money... >.>

    I have just been struck with the realization that life is expensive. Like... REALLY expensive. I don't see how anyone does it! I'm struggling just to pay my parents back on my car engine & pay them for my phone bill every month. I seriously don't know how anyone manages to pay for food, gas, car insurance, rent/house payments, electricity, water, & possibly school, pets, and/or children!

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT?!

    I'm freaking out here guys. I just... I'm starting to think I need to stop going to college just so I can start working more & saving money to pay for the college I've already been through. And you know what? That thought seriously terrifies me. How am I ever going to be able to get through enough college to become a psychologist? I AT LEAST have to get my masters degree, and even then it will be difficult for me to get a job unless I get my Doctorate. That's another EIGHT YEARS of school!!!! EIGHT!!!! And after I get my associate at my local community college, my student loans are going to just keep getting bigger and bigger!

    Everyone says that you should do work that makes you happy. Being a psychologist would make me happy. Being a professional musician would make me happy. But as they also say, it takes money to make money. What they don't tell you is that it takes so much money to start making money that you're going to wonder if it's even worth it at all. That's the point I'm at. How am I ever going to make enough money to move out and still go to school full time? I might as well take pole dancing lessons now. And you might laugh at that but... I've considered it once or twice. 

    My paycheck this Friday was $193.47. I have to pay $50 a month for my phone bill and at least another $50 a month towards the engine. So let's say I make an even $200 every two weeks, or $400 a month. Now I'm down to $300 extra a month. Or but wait, my car just loooooves his gas & demands another $50 worth EVERY WEEK. That's another $200 a month, GONE. That would leave me with $100 to pay towards school every month. Annnnnnd that's it. That's the reason right there that I can't even afford to pay my own car insurance or to move out.

    Sure I might be starting a SECOND job this Tuesday but I have no idea how much that's going to be. Even if I get another $400 a month from that job, that money should be going to school or the engine.

It's no wonder I feel like my life is spinning out of control.

For the Love of Money by The O'Jays

To My Dearest Oboe Buddy ♥

    I've been reading back through some of my old posts and I realized that I've only talked about my absolute best friend, Taylor, twice. This is a crime! Taylor is my oboe buddy, my partner in crime (: I've known her since middle school, but sadly we didn't become best friends until high school when we put our competitive music playing aside... Mostly (;

    When I think back to where our friendship truly started, I keep thinking the very first time I knew we were going to be super close was my sophomore year when Tay picked me up so we could get to the school early for our Field of Honor performance. She had had trouble finding my house (like everyone does at least the first time) so she had called. I remember laughing about it with her as I saw Burtha (her car) pull onto my street. Just... getting into the passenger seat of that dang black Blazer felt right. So many conversations about both important and random things have happened in that car (: And don't even get me started on prom in that thing! hahahaha (:

    What makes me so sad is that we hardly ever get to see each other anymore ): Tay attends college in another city that might as well be a million miles away from how crabby my parents can be about letting me go visit her >.> Even when she does come home, it's like her work owns her soul. I miss my best friend dang it!

Taylor,

    I've known you for going on 7 years, we've been best friends going on 5 years, and my only regret is that we didn't become best friends sooner! I wouldn't trade a single memory we share for anything in the world (: You are the one person in this world I trust with everything and I love you a ton (: Even though you're home right now I still miss you a ton more than I probably should because I did get to see you at your work the other day. But that's just not the same and we both know it. Although i rather see you two minutes via a drive through than not at all. You have always understood me & my highly psychotic mind (: Thank you for always being there for me, even when I screw up. I was really terrified I was going to lose you after my latest mess up... I am so sorry for being that stupid and I promise I will do everything in my power to gain back the respect I lost because of my actions. You're my best friend and, even though I've said it a million times before, I CANNOT picture what my life would be like without you in it. And I don't want to picture it either! You have made my life so much better just by being yourself ♥

You're my oboe buddy, my best friend, my sister and I love you ♥ (:

One of my favorite pictures of us (:

They Shall Run and be Free

We split the oboe solo in this song back in my sophomore year(: Still one of my favorite songs to play because I had the honor of playing it with my best friend ♥

Love and Other Such Nonsense

    So I have these two friends, Alexis and Aaron. Up until a week ago these two had never met, never said a word to each other. And now tomorrow, they're going out on their first date together. I say first date because I fully believe they will be having many more dates in the future that will of course lead to a life of them getting married (to Sir Mix-A-Lot's "I Like Big Butts" of course) and having many hysterical & adorable babies. GET OVER IT YOU TWO, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW. DEAL. I am very happy for them both and can't wait to hear about how much fun they had together (: And yes, I am taking all the credit for them meeting & getting together gosh dangit! Why? If not for me & my magical powers of bringing people together, they wouldn't have ever even met in the first place! So there!
    As one relationship makes its way into life, another, somewhere, must die. This is a horribly sad but true statement. Even though I am truly excited for both of my friends, I am also a little sad. Since graduating almost a year ago, Alexis and I have become greater friends than ever. I know she is not one to abandon her friends just to spend time with her boyfriend but... I know how a new relationship can be. Especially when it is with someone as perfect for her as Aaron is. Although Aaron and I have never really been that close of friends, I have always felt he is someone I could go to and talk to about anything without any sort of judgement. I have become better and closer friends with both of these remarkable individuals and now its like my parents got me two puppies but decided to take them back for no reason. Boo.
    And for those of you out there reading this going "man what a little baby", you can shut up and fuck off. I'm sorry I grow attachments to people who make me happy. It's not often that I can trust a person enough any more to let myself be truly comfortable and happy around them. I value my friends over everything else. Yes, even over my music.
    Truth is, I see those two together and half of my heart is filled with such joy knowing I helped bring them together. The other half is crying, wishing desperately I could find that instant spark with someone again. The only person I have ever had that with is either being a little dense right now or truly just done with me... And I am pleading with God for it to be that he's just dense. I know I can be alone, I was just fine with it before I met him.. But now...? I'm a mess. I hate my job, feel like I am ALWAYS at school, and quite frankly don't like my life at all right now. I am stuck in a loop of ... of... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT OF. I just want to rip out my hair, trash my room, scream at the top of my lungs. I want to feel alive again. I want to be swept off my feet and have my breath taken away. Is that really so much to ask?

Alexis, he may not drive a truck but I hope he makes you feel as good as this song. I know how much you love it (; Thank you for everything, I love you dear ♥

Somethin' 'Bout a Truck by Kip Moore